My girlfriend wanted me to get a list together of books I wanted for Christmas.

So here it is: my Christmas wishlist.

Seriously, that is all I want for Christmas.  Books, books and more books.

Deep down, I really, really hope she gets me Systematic Theology by Wayne Grudem.

All this wishing and wanting… makes me want to care for others.

Perhaps I will give shoes.

Perhaps I will pray to God for more opportunities to show others the love of Christ inside of me.

Perhaps I will just be gracious for my portion and pray that hearts will be changed and people will come to know Christ.

Is that why I want to teach?  Is that why I want to pastor?  Is that why I want to raise up other disciples?

We need to reach everyone so that Jesus Christ will come back to put together the shattered pieces of all creation:

Matthew 24:14 (ESV) And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

Even the animals that roam freely, the rocks in the ground and the plants upon the face of the earth keeps waiting in hopes that we will do our part to end their futility:

Romans 8:19-23 (ESV) For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

Whatever God calls us to do, it is not for our glory but for His will to be done and for His glory to be held high above all the earth.  Less us, more Christ.

Am I insane?  I like to think so.

I have taken very little college in my life.  That might be sort of surprising being how much I love taking classes back in high school (took 10 more credits then I needed to graduate) and how much I love to learn now especially when I live vicariously through college friends and love to help out with homework especially anything to do with Biblical studies.

(Then again it might be not so surprising to some given the huge amount of spelling and grammatical errors on this site )

In either case…

So yes, one of my desires to receive a Doctorate in Theology.

What would I do with it? No freakin’ clue.

Why would I want to accomplish such a feat?  Well for one, it is a challenge and I like to do things that seem impossible by me but I know that is quite possible if I depend on God.

Two, I am going to use one of my favorite scriptures to neatly sum up how I feel:

Proverbs 25:2 (ESV) It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.

Now, I am not saying a Th.D would reveal all the secrets and mysteries of God here on earth.  I do figure it would be a good foundation to take a tiny little glimpse into the possibility of seeing the glory of God.  I figure if I keep tearing at it (it being studying God) that in some weird way, I would have the same awesome chance of seeing the glory of God much in the same way that Moses did back in Exodus 33:17-23.  Maybe I can not only feel his goodness but actually see it before my very eyes:

Exodus 33:19 (ESV) And he said, I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name The Lord. And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy.

But what good is it to ingest all that knowledge of God when it is just for yourself?  What good are the blessings of God when they stop at you and don’t continue to flow out to those around you?  What good is it for just a little ol’ puny, foolish, sinful man such as myself just to absorb all of goodness, holiness and righteousness of God and leave none for others in the world.

But then I reminded of what Paul wrote to Timothy:

2 Timothy 3:14-17 (ESV) But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

I just hope and pray to God that in all of this seeking that I will not be selfish and never want horde this wealth for myself.  If I see the glory of God, I want to do whatever it takes to make sure that others get to see His glory as well.

Over the last couple of months, I have been struggling to truly and clearly identify the desires of my heart.  I will read Psalm 37:4 and think, “Okay, I place God first in my life for He knows the desires of my heart and I don’t have to worry about them.”

But what are the desires of my heart?

Do I not want to worry? Sure.

Do I want health for me and my love ones? Absolutely.

Who doesn’t want these things?  But including and beyond that, should we not seek out that our desires line up with who God is and His will?

For a long, long time, I have read and memorize Jeremiah 17:9 and would be absolutely scared to even want to desire anything.  I would tuck those desires away, things like to be married again, family, my son’s soul to be saved, health, comfort, peace and just simply won’t speak of them and just hope and pray that all of those things line up with His heart.

Or even struggle with specific desires like my desire to be called to one of the offices in Ephesians 4:11-16, or even received a Doctorates in Theology.  What about those wishes?

Now, in recent months, I had to bring those desires out in the light and actually deal with them.  It was the scariest thing I had to ever do.  Just as I took my sin and temptations and addictions to God and say, “I can’t do this anymore… help me!”, so too that I had to take these desires and go to God and ask, “Is this right? Does this line up with Your will, Your heart and who You are? Help me.”

So, in no particular order, let me express the desires in my heart starting with…

Desire: That God be my inheritance and portion according to…

Numbers 18:20 (ESV) And the Lord said to Aaron, You shall have no inheritance in their land, neither shall you have any portion among them. I am your portion and your inheritance among the people of Israel.

There have been many passages of scripture where I sit and think “Whoa”.  Other times, head scratching. Sometimes, laugh in joy.  Still others, cry.  But I kid you not when I read Numbers 18:20, I jumped and yelled, “THAT’S IT! THAT IS WHAT I WANT!  GOD, I WANT THAT. GIVE ME THAT. WHY CAN’T I HAVE IT!”

Lamborghini Murciélago?  Ferrari 456GT?  1999 Nissan Skyline GT-R?  Sure, I will take one of each.  Easy.

But pit anything here on earth versus letting God being your absolute provider is insane especially given that…

God is perfect.
God is good.
God always upholds his end of the promise even when we do not.

In other words, whatever He does will be perfect for me… even when I don’t see it as perfect.

Look how the richest man to ever lived, Solomon, asked God to provide for him in…

Proverbs 30:8-9 (ESV) Remove falsehood and lies far from me; Give me neither poverty nor riches— Feed me with the food allotted to me;

Lest I be full and deny You, And say, “Who is the Lord?” Or lest I be poor and steal, And profane the name of my God.

Essentially, Solomon was asking God to be God.  He was asking God to provide and be perfect and good in doing so.

My prayer:

Lord, how beautiful and holy is Your name.  I will take whatever draws me closer to You.  If You give so that I can give right back to You like You did for David in 1 Chronicles 29:14, then so be it.  But if you allure me to the wilderness like in Hosea 2:14, so be it.  You have to feed me by ravens, brooks and angels like you did for Elijah in 1 Kings 17:4, then so be it.  Because in my life, in my time, on this earth, it is not mine but thine Will alone.

It is in your wonderful and gracious name, Amen.

I knew it!

Just based on the heart of God towards the stranger, widow and the fatherless, I knew that God could tell us or we elect to give our tithes to those who needed it that He would bless us.

Then my pastor gave this scripture to us yesterday:

Deuteronomy 26:12-13 (NKJV) “When you have finished laying aside all the tithe of your increase in the third year— the year of tithing—and have given it to the Levite, the stranger, the fatherless, and the widow, so that they may eat within your gates and be filled, then you shall say before the Lord your God: ‘I have removed the holy tithe from my house, and also have given them to the Levite, the stranger, the fatherless, and the widow, according to all Your commandments which You have commanded me; I have not transgressed Your commandments, nor have I forgotten them.

What does this mean to me?

I know that some people have a hard time giving to churches.  Okay, whatever.  You can still honour God and give ten percent back to what is already His in the first place by giving to those who God has such a special love for.

So like those day laborors on the street corner? Leviticus 19:33-34

So like all the kids who grew up without fathers? Psalm 10:14

So like the single moms whose boyfriend/husband who has left for the woman to do it all? Psalm 68:5

God never said your tithes had to be funneled through a church to help the needy.

You see a need?  Let the Spirit stirs your heart.  Ask Him, “What do You want me to deliver to those in need?  I don’t give what is not mine.  I just a carrier of the portions that God has blessed me with.”

Strangely enough, God is so good like that.