I Am Living Proof

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Mom, Are You Crying Again then Holding Worship.

You see that man holding up that other man to worship our Almighty God. One brother carrying another brother to worship and praise the King of Kings and Lord of Lords… the only One who is even remotely worthy of our praise.

They praised the One who is Perfect.

The worshiped the King who is Matchless.

That man, lifted somebody other than himself, shows the full glory of our King and the heart of our Father here on earth.

Who is like our God and who compares to Him? In case you don’t know the answer, nobody does.

I felt about Prosperity gospel in the same way John Piper does. When I talk about it, I start cussing. When John speaks about it, he does it with a whole lot less cussing.

Thank God.

Jeremiah 13:17 But if you will not hear it, My soul will weep in secret for your pride; My eyes will weep bitterly And run down with tears, Because the Lord’s flock has been taken captive.

ht: Hope Road

God speaks to us:

Jeremiah 16:1-2 (NKJV) The word of the Lord also came to me, saying, “You shall not take a wife, nor shall you have sons or daughters in this place.”

I am of the belief that being married is not a result of a series of random events. Everything that happens happens for a reason.

I am knee deep into the Book of Jeremiah and this verse jumped out at me (as well as chapters 1, 2, 7, 8, 9, 21, 22, etc.). This got me to thinking:

If we are obedient to God, call on His name, are utter dependent on Him and abide by His will and not our own, then if He needed you not to marry, He would have said so directly.

If we listen to God when we want to, lean on Him only when times are tough, try to live this life by our own strength and just do things when we want to, then life is going to be a series of random events that might include getting married.

I get this strange feeling that because we Christians lift and exalt the idea of marriage (some as a backlash to the easy going nature of the world when it comes to marriage and divorce) to such a level that once we get into marriage and that was a covenant with God then our lives will be blessed.

In other words, are we putting marriage and the idea of being married before our God? Are we making it our idol?

Writer Ashley Weis said it best in a recent article:

I want to be enough. I want my husband to love me, to notice me and only me. I want to be the most beautiful, astounding, heart-throbbing woman in the world to him. I want to be enough!

When thoughts like those enter my soul I step back and realize that every one of them begins with “I.” None has to do with God.

My idealistic view of marriage was selfish. I wanted my husband to validate my beauty as a woman. I wanted to feel loved and enough. I made his struggle with sexual sin about me. How could I ever support him if I kept making this about me?

Being married doesn’t automatically make it the will of God. The entire life lesson about abide and submitting to the will of God that is learned is that it is not about me but it is all about Him. It is not mine but Thine will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

When God started quickly answering my prayer requests not too long ago, it broked and humble me again. I soon realized that I was afraid to go to God with the big and scary questions not because I couldn’t ask God but rather I was scared to get the answer I wasn’t looking for.

In this last week, I took it all to God: the big and the scary questions. Whatever I came up with, He answered them one right after the other. God kept confirming what I was doing over and over again. “Search My heart. Love others as I love you. That girl you keep asking about? Continue to honour and lift her up. Keep serving your ex-wife. Keep showing others My heart.”

Strangely enough, none of the answers were “Wait”.

For the last year, I was all set out to wait two, three, five years or the rest of my life to let God complete His work within me. But all of a sudden, God kept encouraging, edifying and strengthening me and keeps blessing me with His knowledge, wisdom and endurance over and over again. I keep getting pushed into ministry opportunites over and over again. (The salvation of one 6 year old girl weighs heavily on my heart.) Holy Spirit keeps telling me to talk to this person and that person. I keep engaging and uplifting others.

Yet, I never grow weary or tired of it. Yet I want to do more.

Again, the journey is incredible. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

For about eleven days so far, God has been finishing out His work in me. In my human mind, I thought for sure it will be two to three years to get to where He needs me to be. But as of late, everything is speeding up drastically.

I don’t know how else to word that.

For the last eleven days, whatever prayer requests I had, they get answered in less than 24 hours. Not little stuff, but big stuff like edification, provision or even my relationship with my ex-wife.

Here is my best shot on trying to scribe this. I hope I can do it justice.

God Lifts Us Up: (This part might be taken the wrong way so in advance, I am going to apologize.) I talk to a lot of young women. After having to talk (in a group setting) to one on purity, a couple of women on the benefits of modesty and several on faith, it really kicked me in the stomach. Talks on purity and modesty are nothing because you are trying to undo worldly wisdom. But issues on faith when the young women I meet won’t put all their faith in God or they will even question God’s will, interaction became hard.

All that came to a head when a old friend came into my life. Somebody I was very close to and could easily have a deeper relationship but couldn’t because it wasn’t the will of God. But speaking to her and in our friendly interaction, my heart and body began to yearn for a real romantic relationship.

The feeling was so intense that I had to work through all the emotions and feelings and thoughts and memories to get down to the decision that needed to made: could I date her? Cold, unflinching wisdom says “No, you can’t.” I went to bed with my chest and heart feeling so sore.

The next morning, I just prayed to God, “I am not asking met some gal to fall in love with. I just want to meet someone that will convict me about my own faith. Lift me, Lord.”

Twelve hours later, God did just that. I had the opportunity to share my faith and testimony with somebody. When she shared her testimony, I was cheering for her like she my favorite sports team in the championship. My 40 minute commute home from church was simply filled with praises to Him. I got home and thanked Him endlessly. I woke up the next morning and started to pray for other people even when I didn’t know their prayer request. I just try to lift them up.

Each of the eleven days thus far, it has been just like that.

I don’t know what this means. I don’t know how it will end or where will I go. All I know is that this journey is simply unmatched because God is so faithful to continue His work in me.

Romans 5:1-5 (NKJV) Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

This is not going to be the deepest post you ever read.

I had dinner over with my son at his home with my ex-wife.  I got up and cleared the dishes and started to wash them.

Yes. I wash dishes for my ex-wife.

I sat there at the sink and I prayed a simple prayer, “Father, how do I show my ex-wife, my son and all others Your Heart?”.  God responds, “Look at what you are doing.  I know your heart so keep serving.  You keep serving because I am your strength.  You keep loving others because I love you.”

My response to God, “Done.  Let us get to work.”