I Am Living Proof

This is why we need prayer.  Everyday.  For all things.

Not as soon as Jean prayed for me, I had a battle last night.

Let me say that because my strength and shield are of God that nearly all the time, I feel nigh invincible.

I am not so cocky that things won’t get to me and hurt me.  I know they will.  I am fighting a battle.  I am in a war.  I can’t expect to fight and not get hurt in a serious way.  But whatever injuries, critical, crippling or otherwise, I know my God will protect, heal, deliver and restore.  My God has it all.  Whom shall I fear?

Then just last night, I was helping out a friend who used to be in porn and saved by the grace of God Almighty.  Unfortunately, she still has images/videos all over the internet many of which she has no control over.

She wanted me to respond to a myspace wall post from a guy.  So I go to the guy’s myspace page to send him a message by posting a comment when I have to scroll to the bottom of his profile.

Let us say we know now he is an “old” fan of my friend.  In other words, he had a picture of my friend that I wish I hadn’t seen.

In the past, that one pic would have broken me.  Satan and his armies launched a million exploding arrows upon me day after day and this time, one hit me square in the chest.

This time, I felt the sting of the pierce.  I feel my skin lit on fire.  I smell the stench of cooked human flesh as the arrow exploded.  I hear the armies of Satan laugh with a victorious roar.  It is enough to take the breath out of me.

I know the arrow is there.  I know it hurts like all hell.  My mind wanted to race a million miles a minute and ease the pain away.  The flesh knew what to do.  My flesh thought he had life again.

But my spirit is born and sustained by God.  Without stopping in my tracks and through gritted teeth and eyes full of tears from the pain and torment, God reached out, pulled that arrow out and healed of my pain.  In my joy and thankfulness, I reached out to His hand, kissed it and told him, “I love You”.

This is how God is so good.  Glory to God in the highest.

Ignore this post.  I had to blast this out.  -Ed.

Lord,

This type of work beats me down.  It takes all of my strength.  I hate doing this line of work.  I don’t care about technology.  I would give anything to not know what I know.

I feel like I do nothing significant.

How do I go from the highest of the high in being in a position to help somebody find a job in something they love to do, give a guy all the cash in my pocket and lending my cell phone to a lady looking for her friend who came to pick her up…

… to absolute dread and madness of working in something tech.

I am beyond anger and frustration for every second I have to even endure a software upgrade, troubleshooting a router or server setup.

But…

I will only do this if this is Your will, my Lord.

But in order for me to do Your will, Your word promises us that You would give us that endurance.  You also promised us strength and wisdom.

If this is not Your will, then take it all from me.  Remove all of my endurance, strength, understanding and wisdom.

Let me collapse.

I can’t do it by myself.

I refuse to do it by myself.

I rather just lie down and worship You.  I rather just sing Your praises.  Till I die.

For it is in your beautiful name I am so desperate to pray,

Amen

Despite me not posting a single thing about the untimely death of Maria Chapman (daughter of Steven Curtis Chapman), I was still rocked by the news. It become a bit more personal when a few of the people I knew, knew the Chapmans closer than most.

I couldn’t stop thinking about my son, so close to Maria’s age. I swore, if I didn’t tell him “I love you” and hug and kiss him a hundred times a week prior to, I just increased that love twice over since then.

Now I am just finding out about Xzibit’s newborn son, Xavier, born on May 15th (two days before my birthday) only to pass away as his father gives the news this morning on his myspace blog.

Xzibit writes:

AS you all know, I shared with you the announcment of my newborn son Xavier Kingston Joiner on may 15th and also informed you that he was born prematurly. well this week was extremly difficult for him because his lungs were not strong enough to handle regular oxygen on his own. Xavier passed away this morning at 3:30am and I must tell you this, It is unatural for a parent to bury a child. I am telling you this because of the same reason I tell you when im having great times, life is too short to be fake. Hold on to your kids if you have them, protect them and show them you love them everyday you wake up and see them, dont take a second you get to hug them teach them and care for them for granted. You can have all the material wealth in the universe but it is NOTHING compared to having your family. I am thankful for all of my blessings and im not one to question God’s perfect plan, so I leave you with great love and thanks for the love that was sent earlier on my pervious blog to my son. Of course I need to take some time and handle my loss, STAY FOCUSED PEOPLE. Its not promised to any of us.

Xzibit’s words will rock me for a long, long time. What really impacted me is that in the midst of the darkness, loss and tragedy, Xzibit chooses to be satisfied in God.

That makes God beautiful. That gives glory to God and God alone.

I am not sure if I were to lose my son that I would be as strong as the words written today.

But I will not worry about tomorrow.

I will think about today.

I will think about my son.

Using more of Xzibit’s words that he wrote for his son way back in 1996 from his song “Foundation“. I can’t think of a more perfect way to describe my child:

When I look you in your eyes I can see my own
Straight love manifested in flesh and bone

Love you, Yusef. All that I have and forever. My love will not stray.

Jon (of prodigaljohn.com and 97secondswithgod.com fame) brings us the genius of Stuff Christians Like.

Genius? Yes. Original? Meh, not so much. Heck, Jon even admitted to this.

Whatever the case, it is a hoot just like #159 of what Christians like, the “pray if you feel led” prayer, where he breaks down the 6 people you are going to meet in a prayer circle:

1. The Almost-er
2. The Gun Slinger
3. The Opener
4. The Rambler
5. The Cave In
6. The Closer (touching a bit on the The Encore-ist)
Bonus: The Shot Blocker

I have gone into group prayer with no clear opener or closer. It is some of the craziest toe-stepping you have ever seen. In the last grouped I prayed in, we even had a Encore-ist.  But alas, no Shot Blocker.

With all that said, I still love praying in groups even with all of these people you might meet. Some will pray boldly, others quick and timidly. However, in being before the Lord with your heart exposed, you in turn exposed your heart to others and thus, the love between your brothers and sisters grows even stronger

That said, I just figured out why two people dating should never pray together. Hmm.

Muxtape: Hillsong United’s Desperate People from All Of The Above

Our young adult ministries, Seven, wants to lift each other in prayer: Seven Prayers

My prayer is for Tam Hodges and her family.

I love you Tam, Brent, Kass and Kota.

May God show us all His glory and His heart.

Muxtape: Hillsong United’s Saviour King (Live) from With Hearts As One