I would love to pray for all churches everywhere. It is not about the numbers but if this weekend, if one person is saved, then it is all worth it.

My list of churches that I am praying over because in some way, they have blessed me:

1. Gateway Church, Southlake, TX
2. Bethesda Community Church, Fort Worth, TX
3. Shiloh Institutional Church, Fort Worth, TX
4. Bethel Temple, Fort Worth, TX
5. Lifechurch.tv, Edmond, Ok
6. LifeCentre, Ottawa, ON, Canada
7. New Life Church, Colorado Springs, CO
8. Church on Fairchild AFB, WA
9. The Village Church, Highland Village, TX
10. Watermark Community Church, Dallas, TX
11. Potter’s House, Grand Prairie, TX
12. Durban Christian Centre, Durban, KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa
13. Hillsong Church, Australia
14. Buckhead Church, Atlanta, GA
15. Table Rock Fellowship, Medford, OR
16. Irving Bible Church, Irving, TX
17. Baruch Hashem Messianic Synagogue, Dallas, TX
18. NewSpring Church, Anderson, SC
19. Fellowship Church, Grapevine, TX

I am quite sure I forgot somebody. Time to pray.

God speaks to us:

Jeremiah 16:1-2 (NKJV) The word of the Lord also came to me, saying, “You shall not take a wife, nor shall you have sons or daughters in this place.”

I am of the belief that being married is not a result of a series of random events. Everything that happens happens for a reason.

I am knee deep into the Book of Jeremiah and this verse jumped out at me (as well as chapters 1, 2, 7, 8, 9, 21, 22, etc.). This got me to thinking:

If we are obedient to God, call on His name, are utter dependent on Him and abide by His will and not our own, then if He needed you not to marry, He would have said so directly.

If we listen to God when we want to, lean on Him only when times are tough, try to live this life by our own strength and just do things when we want to, then life is going to be a series of random events that might include getting married.

I get this strange feeling that because we Christians lift and exalt the idea of marriage (some as a backlash to the easy going nature of the world when it comes to marriage and divorce) to such a level that once we get into marriage and that was a covenant with God then our lives will be blessed.

In other words, are we putting marriage and the idea of being married before our God? Are we making it our idol?

Writer Ashley Weis said it best in a recent article:

I want to be enough. I want my husband to love me, to notice me and only me. I want to be the most beautiful, astounding, heart-throbbing woman in the world to him. I want to be enough!

When thoughts like those enter my soul I step back and realize that every one of them begins with “I.” None has to do with God.

My idealistic view of marriage was selfish. I wanted my husband to validate my beauty as a woman. I wanted to feel loved and enough. I made his struggle with sexual sin about me. How could I ever support him if I kept making this about me?

Being married doesn’t automatically make it the will of God. The entire life lesson about abide and submitting to the will of God that is learned is that it is not about me but it is all about Him. It is not mine but Thine will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

When God started quickly answering my prayer requests not too long ago, it broked and humble me again. I soon realized that I was afraid to go to God with the big and scary questions not because I couldn’t ask God but rather I was scared to get the answer I wasn’t looking for.

In this last week, I took it all to God: the big and the scary questions. Whatever I came up with, He answered them one right after the other. God kept confirming what I was doing over and over again. “Search My heart. Love others as I love you. That girl you keep asking about? Continue to honour and lift her up. Keep serving your ex-wife. Keep showing others My heart.”

Strangely enough, none of the answers were “Wait”.

For the last year, I was all set out to wait two, three, five years or the rest of my life to let God complete His work within me. But all of a sudden, God kept encouraging, edifying and strengthening me and keeps blessing me with His knowledge, wisdom and endurance over and over again. I keep getting pushed into ministry opportunites over and over again. (The salvation of one 6 year old girl weighs heavily on my heart.) Holy Spirit keeps telling me to talk to this person and that person. I keep engaging and uplifting others.

Yet, I never grow weary or tired of it. Yet I want to do more.

Again, the journey is incredible. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Trust me, it is a very serious question.I was having this discussion with the better half of one of my accountability partners after reading the first comment on Lori’s blog.

After years of being misunderstood of her giving heart, Shelley finally came to the conclusion that it was okay to give and keep giving of yourself. So many years in my marriage, I was being told/programmed by my wife that I couldn’t help others, especially women, since they are going to end up falling in love with me and thus, I would cheat on my wife. Helping others were taking away from the fact I was not helping my wife with all of my attention and devotion.

I never once cheated on her. However, something else transpired in those 10 years of marriage. It is in my head that I equated the following: being married means I cannot help those in need.

Seriously.

After speaking to counselors on my diehard stance of never remarrying, inside I am trying to figure out “Why do I not want marriage for myself?” In my little head, I think that once I remarry, I can’t do the work that God has for me to do.

Talk about carrying around pieces of a broken covenant. Sheesh. Thankfully God is the only one who can mend my heart to anew.

Going back to my original question: so how did Jesus do it? He did wonderful works and had wonderful insight for both women and men as He walked on this earth. Surely one of those women thought He was “dreamy” or was it something so supernatural that everybody who met with Him saw Him for whom He really was: the Son of the Everlasting God.

In other words, is it even feasible for me to minister, counsel or encourage women just because I am a man?

But then I reminded myself of several things. If I am fully dependent on God, then:

1. God is my Protector - He will protect me and setup boundaries when I need them
2. God is my Wisdom - Whenever I give words of encouragement or discernment, it absolutely cannot be me speaking for me but God speaking through me
3. God is Sovereign - One of my daily prayers is for God to give me the opportunity to give Him the glory and the opportunity to show others His heart.

If all of those points are always in full effect, then I can speak to anybody that God sends my way. He will protect others as He has protected me.

Naive of me? Perhaps.

Thoughts?

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come before you to worship your Name above all Names. You are my Beautiful Lord and Saviour. There is no one like You. You are simply Matchless.

I thank you for sending your blessings in form of some of the most beautiful people I have ever called friend. Thank you for sending them across my path to teach me how to hear You, how to speak to You, how to worship You, how to engage others, how to love others, how to be love and how to depend on You.

I thank you for your divine protection upon my mind while you were mending my heart. Despite what I have been through, You move according to Your Will and at the speed at which You desire. You moved in my life so very quickly especially since my divorce. Now I see why: you needed me to be a blessing to others. You commanded me to show others Your heart, O Father. You told me to love others as you loved me.

It is my heart’s desire to serve you. You have been faithful in me and overfilled my life with blessings too many to count.

Today, I will worship you, O God. Today, I choose to serve you, the Lord of the Most High. Today, I am your servant. Today, choose me.

I love you, Lord.

Be pleased in what you hear. For I will be so careful to praise your name. For it is in the name of my Saviour, I ask.

Amen.

There is so much I wanted to post about this week: Pornography, Marriage, Forgiveness, Love, Calvinism, attending multiple churches (or how not to succumb to peer pressure), Seeker Churches versus Believer Churches, Dispensationalism, The television show on BET called “Meet The Faith”, etc..

However, as I am writing this at 1:00AM Monday morning, all that I can focusing on is the following verse:

Philippians 4:4-7 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

All I can do is simply praise His name, give thanks and pray.

I went to my standard 5:45PM Saturday evening service which turned out to be Communion Service. After Communion ended, one of the Pastors (who is a Rabbi, who has accepted Yeshua as his personal Lord and Saviour) invited everybody that needed healing to come forward. Just them by themselves. I immediately stretched forth my hands and began to pray for those who needed healing. Not just those who were able to come forward but for all. The worship team lead into two of my favorite songs and I began praising Him, thanking Him and kept praying for healing for everybody.

I felt that I had to come back on Sunday morning and pray again for those needed healing.

I noticed that when I think about other people, I never worry about my future holds. Lately, I am trying not to be anxious but I would be lying if I don’t think about it a little. I keep coming up with what I need to do, how can I approach my next job in this time of transition and can I serve in ministry? My faith is still absolute but I have to pray harder and harder every single time. I pray just for myself but I tend to simply pray for others with all the prayer requests that I have received.

When I think about others, joy and peace overwhelm me. One could argue that thinking of others gets your worries off of your mind. In a way, that is true. When I do pray for others, I reminded on how incredible and awesome our God really is.

Thank you all for those who took the time to pray for me. Can I pray for you?