I Am Living Proof

I have prayed for months for God to uncover anything left in my heart that was not like His heart.  I looked over and over again and kept coming up with nothing.

Last night, God did just that.  Now I am a simplified idiot because of it.

I am going to go forward relying on two things for right now.  One, that my God so achingly beautiful in his continuous love and forgiveness of piece of crap like me.  Secondly, I have to trust that the word of God is good and that He will do what He says He will do.

I really don’t have anything to write.  But I am going to throw out scripture after scripture in hopes of figuring out something.  One part of me wants to figure out something so I will have peace.  A large part of me wants to not figure out anything so I can remain an idiot that is totally dependent upon the Lord.

I have just one thought of Solomon’s words preoccupying my thoughts:

1 Kings 3:7 (NKJV) “but I  am a little child; I do not know how to go out or come in.”

I am a jacked up individual.  I have to rely on God just to make it to the next day.  I have no idea where I am going.  I have no idea of what I am going to do tomorrow.  I simply do not know.  I do not know anything.

ht: Matt Chandler’s Sovereign Over all (Luke Part 5)

My pastor has mention this passage a least a couple of times since I have been going:

Matthew 7:13-14 (NKJV) “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide  is the gate and broad  is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow  is the gate and difficult  is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.

Notice Jesus says, “there are few who find it“.  Not many, few.

Listening to a lecture on Revelation chapters 1 through 3 and one particular passage caught my eye:

Revelation 3:4 (NKJV) You have a few names even in Sardis who have not defiled their garments; and they shall walk with Me in white, for they are worthy.

Again, Jesus says, “You have a few names…”.  Again, not many but few.

I know that churches love to equate themselves to the church in Philadelphia.  However, I challenge to each of us to tap the brakes just a bit.  Maybe we are the church in Sardis.  Maybe there are just many of us who are still producing bad fruit in one way or another.  I know I was for 30 years.  Sometimes I sit and be stunned on how in the world I thought I was saved and yet my heart was not changed whatsoever.

I wonder how many more people are just like me.

I challenge to go back to the each of the letters to each of the churches in chapter 3 and compare the church in America and throughout the world to those churches but compare our hearts as well.

In the past two months, the Holy Spirit has been leading my mind to search out and look at relationships. What started out as studying relationships between people and between husband and wife eventually led to the relationship between Christ Jesus and the Church and then, of course, the relationship between God and his children.

The one relationship that keeps me wanting to be closer and closer to God would have to be Cain.  Yes, the same selfish, thankless, merciless individual who murdered his brother just because Cain wasn’t gracious to God and Abel was.

What I love about this passage is how this line of questioning is so much like the Spirit of God:

Genesis 4:5-6 (NKJV) but He did not respect Cain and his offering. And Cain was very angry, and his countenance fell.

So the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen?”

How crazy is it that God is the same then as He is now and will forever be.

I could have used verses 1-4 to lead in to tell more of the story and I could have kept going past verse 7 and told of the first murder. But those two verses right there, 5 and 6, make me yearn for something more in my relationship with Him.

It has become one of my deepest desires to get to a place where, not just in a change in your attitude or even walk with God, but even a change in how you are feeling from moment to moment causes God to ask you, “Why do you feel that way?” or to make you really think about it, “What are you feeling right now?”.

This is not like having a conversation even with people where you can still kinda, sorta hide your true deep feelings as you are trying to sort them out in your head.  This is a conversation with God, who being… well… God, already knows the answers to the questions He is asking you.  1 Kings 8:39 says “… for You alone know the hearts of all the sons of men“  I keep thinking when God asks those type of questions, He is wanting for you to see where your heart is at the moment.

Don’t be scared of letting God dig deep into your heart and letting Him change it for good and to give Him glory and to heal you.

So good is the promise of God set in 1 John 3:20-22: For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God.  And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.

Think about the times where you felt feelings that you were not particular proud of.  Think about those moments as you go about your day today.  Give God a chance to turn to you and ask “Why are you feeling lonely?”, “Why do you worry?”, “Why are you so angry?”.   Give Him every opportunity to have that deep personal intimate relationship that He wants with you.

I knew it!

Just based on the heart of God towards the stranger, widow and the fatherless, I knew that God could tell us or we elect to give our tithes to those who needed it that He would bless us.

Then my pastor gave this scripture to us yesterday:

Deuteronomy 26:12-13 (NKJV) “When you have finished laying aside all the tithe of your increase in the third year— the year of tithing—and have given it to the Levite, the stranger, the fatherless, and the widow, so that they may eat within your gates and be filled, then you shall say before the Lord your God: ‘I have removed the holy tithe from my house, and also have given them to the Levite, the stranger, the fatherless, and the widow, according to all Your commandments which You have commanded me; I have not transgressed Your commandments, nor have I forgotten them.

What does this mean to me?

I know that some people have a hard time giving to churches.  Okay, whatever.  You can still honour God and give ten percent back to what is already His in the first place by giving to those who God has such a special love for.

So like those day laborors on the street corner? Leviticus 19:33-34

So like all the kids who grew up without fathers? Psalm 10:14

So like the single moms whose boyfriend/husband who has left for the woman to do it all? Psalm 68:5

God never said your tithes had to be funneled through a church to help the needy.

You see a need?  Let the Spirit stirs your heart.  Ask Him, “What do You want me to deliver to those in need?  I don’t give what is not mine.  I just a carrier of the portions that God has blessed me with.”

Strangely enough, God is so good like that.

Loving the gas prices? No.

Loving the how risen gas prices affect food prices by two ways? No.

Hence, I love this list of The 20 Healthiest Foods for Under $1 Per Serving.   This post lists things like Wild Rice, Oats, Tofu and Coffee.  I love everything on this list and have a recipe for all of these ingredients.  Nicely done, the article has recipes suggestion.

I would also put in yogurt just because it is so cheap and so good and good for those who are lactose intolerant.  Do a little bit more research and add Ham to that protein list for about $2 per serving.

My peeps:

James
Brent
Kristen
Buddy
Dan
Rick
Brandy
Deborah
Joel
Theressa
Steven
Love
Tawny
Kelly
Jen
Ron
Darla
Theressa
Heidi